Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
