Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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