so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
