You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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