i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
