I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
