so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
