Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
