Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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