If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
