I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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