i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
