one might say we're banned from that church
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
