Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
