well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
