Don't you send me to vm
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
