I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
