the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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