ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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