Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The uberlube is also flammable
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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