There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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