my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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