Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
