I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
