Cold hands, warm shart.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
