It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
