dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
