i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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