***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
