how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
