he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
