Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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