You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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