Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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