you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
