The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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