You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
