I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
did you just send me my own nude
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
