I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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