KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My bed smells like the plague
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