I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She told me I should be a condom model.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
