How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
