This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
