girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
