The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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