I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
