Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize