So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone came in the potted fern
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
