Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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