Cold hands, warm shart.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
