You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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