he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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