Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
