it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
