I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
