please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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