She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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