So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
