After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
