I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
