I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just pee around me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
