that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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