Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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