bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I came so hard my ears popped.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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