her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
