I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
