Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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